My number one diagnosis is Happiness

I’ve various conditions (as many of us do!) but the current predominant one I’m focusing on is HAPPINESS, and I’m doing all I can to keep it!

I lost my job

In November 2017 I was taken into hospital for two weeks to check for brain aneurysms, kinks in vessels, or anything else that might have caused my excruciating headache…

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder / OCPD

Is an Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder holding me back? I’m pretty sure the answer is yes. One key area I recognise as my biggest personality issue (which affects many but particularly two crucial areas of my life) is regular occurrences of intense frustration over others’ “inadequacies”. Their …

Time blocking and mindfulness

I’ve been home from holiday over two weeks now and feel as stressed as before I went! But that isn’t to say I’m lost in a bad place. I’m actually just very busy and a lot of this is involving learning techniques which are designed to help someone like me in the long term. 

Two weeks until I start afresh

Like clean crisp sheets (mmmm, so lushious) on your own bed (so deliciously cosy), I’m all set to embrace a fresh start which I’ll fully own, wholeheartedly appreciate, and totally indulge myself into.

12 hours of sleep and plenty of reasons

Grogginess is a side-effect of what ‘normal’ people would call ‘too much sleep’ – but I need more sleep than average due to multiple chronic conditions…

My Dad and his brother (“George Best of Harold Hill”)

Due to recent health symptoms leading me towards a new diagnosis – not least because they fit together with pieces of my medical history meaning the puzzle has seemed to all piece together nicely – I’ve had reason to question my Dad over family history. Most upsetting for him has been talking about his brother and best friend, my Uncle Peter.

What an odd day… but I’ll dance again

A very strange day. On the plus side I’ve received a letter from UCL hospital saying I’m on the waiting list of a specialist there despite them routinely not accepting

‘I don’t know if there’s politics amongst consultants?’

I’d just read this page of the book (see pic above) the day I had my latest Neurology consult (two Mondays ago) and it reminded me to explain to the neurologist that ‘I’m not neurotic’, ‘I don’t need or crave the attention’, ‘I have ambitions on hold’, ‘I want to get better’. In all my visits she’s done

It’s not over-thinking, it’s over-feeling, and 🍰

I’ve often been told I think too much. But recently, on reading a paragraph of a memoir written by an award-winning journalist, I realised I don’t think too much at all – I FEEL too much.

In the prologue of Decca Aitkenhead’s recently published book ‘all at sea’, she says, “For most of my life I have…

I can’t afford this! I can’t live like this! 🎢

That fateful night (previous blog post) wasn’t the most traumatic experience I’ve been through, but it has been the most medically confusing few years since – the most fatigue and pain I’ve ever faced. Also very expensive! I’m stuck working only part-time, with no way of advancing my career; I cannot afford this! I’m not lazy!…

That fateful night – for £21 & a tampon! 🚔

The first I knew about the robbery was an almighty, violent yank on my bag. It was across my body and it stayed there – so it wasn’t a simple grab ‘n’ run which he would have hoped for. That’s assuming he was desperate (for whatever reason) as opposed getting kicks out of the attack. Not succeeding in one grab, this was to be the beginning of years of pain.

Losing a child – educate yourself

Been thinking a lot about my baby boy lately, having met a very brave woman recently who also lost her son at less than a year old, and also after a long illness. Her experience

New meds for seizures 💊

It’s now two and a half months since coming off Lamotrigine (the first anti-seizure drug prescribed to me), and it’s paid off as it’s given me the opportunity to work out what my seizures are. To recap: I saw my neurologist

Horrible drugs for focal seizures – is it worth it? ⚡

The week before last I stopped taking Lamotrigine – cold turkey. My head quickly went mega fizzy (so an increase) but the zappiness went away (I’ve read about “brain zaps” on anti-seizure meds – and that’s what it was – so distinct!). By day 3 the fizziness was 1 min on, 1 min off, sometimes more, sometimes less, sort of thing – along with constant intense tingling in at least my hands and fingers. The sensations were the same as experienced when taking the drug, but on the drug they would kick off almost exactly 3 hours after each dose – which I would take 3 times a day instead of the originally advised 2 times a day (agreed over the phone by my neurologist) in order to minimise these side effects (which I now assume were beginnings of withdrawal). At day 7 off of them completely, it 

‘You know most physicians believe Fibromyalgia to be all in the [taps his head]’ 🙆

Yep, a GP I usually avoid at my local surgery shared that gem with me. I was in his company for a quick re-referral to an Orthopaedic surgeon after the first attempt had gone array, a year after being mugged and still with a leg injury – it had nothing to do with Fibromyalgia. This is the same GP who declared my daughter ‘worryingly underweight’, after, wait for it…..

Also….dedication’s what you need! ☕

Apart from props and time, to write you need a head clear of noise… and a house clear of clutter/chores… and an understanding family. But mostly, dedication’s what you need (link to

A few props and a lot of time ⏰

“For most of us, it takes years — years — of practice to achieve a kind of basic fluency.”

I feel like I’ve finally found my fluency, on writing my own m

Who says you should be sorted by 37? 👵

The wisest and kindest words ever said to me. Not that it was only a much-needed ‘excuse’, and I mean an excuse to my inner peace not to others, it was more a wakeup call. She too wasn’t as sorted as she had appeared to be, and it was normal. I think she was a troubled 

Two months without saccharin and aspartame? No deal 🙊

On Monday evening I joined a celebration of this guy’s life, Jonathan Ollivier; a talented dancer who was suddenly and tragically taken from his friends and family, including two young sons, in a road accident. Monday’s show

You should write a book ✒

 don’t expect there’ll be many readers of my memoir, should I finish it, should I share it. My story is minute in this big world which is hurting in ways I cannot comprehend. I’m sure I’m a victim of my own self-

Time to realise some dreams, and truths 😴

After the mini drama of Epilepsy and realising it’s just an extra thing to manage… back to the daggers smashing into my muscles: worst – thing – ever, for me, right now. But 

Phew! It’s ‘only’ Epilepsy! 😬

Meds start tonight! It was an enormous relief to hear it’s ‘only’ seizures, with no brain damage or tumour seen on my MRI. Brilliant! With my list of symptoms resembling almost exactly a comprehensive list of MS symptoms

Looking for a or some diagnosis(esss)! 😈

As the pains pierce, and then the twitches (fasciculations)… well… twitch, my muscles are really rather exhausted – and so am I! That’s all through my body, extremities to trunk to head – but not all at once THANK GOODNESS. My belly churns and my eyesight blurs, both adding to my mind tick-tick-ticking as I…

Beginning at near the end 👢

What I mean by the title Beginning at near the end is maybe most of my struggle is about to be over; and maybe, hopefully, I’m close to receiving a diagnosis which will explain years of cognitive issues.